How not to stress on your wedding day ~ boys, I'm looking at you...
It’s not something we like to admit - but we can all get nervous - even (especially) the biggest, toughest grooms out there - it’s normal and to be expected! But it’s not much fun, so here’s some tips to put your mind at ease.
Know yourself ~ be honest and recognise potential sources of stress - act in advance, its your day - and you can remove the stress if you plan ahead...
Get a good sleep ~ the night before if you cant sleep - reach for a sleep app. I recommend Sleep Machine for iOS.
Know the basics of where and when ~ where and when things are happening... during the morning of the wedding - the groom is usually the person on the ground to answer questions about last minute details - Get involved guys, know the script - those challenging questions are coming your way!
Build a team around you ~ from the venue coordinator to your official (registrar, humanist, minister) and yes, your photographer too - make sure these are people you feel comfortable with - meet with them beforehand and make sure you get along - putting your trust in a team who will make an awesome contribution, be friendly and professional and put you at ease.
Compile a playlist ~ for while you’re getting ready - one that takes your ears to a happy place - zone into the music and not into the nerves.
Have a special something ~ quirky cufflinks, sassy socks, pin badge, tie pin, a jaunty hat, braces, some sick duds... get yourself something or ask for it as a token gift - this can then serve as a talking point - a conversation starter “hey what do you think of my kick-a$$ cufflinks?” ~ you get the idea.
Try to eat a good breakfast ~ and hydrate!
Drink responsibly ~ enough said; nervous and hungover is a morning of pain!
Fill your morning ~ keep busy with jobs (nothing stressful - or crucial, just to keep busy and your mind active) and if not jobs - go golfing, running, cycling, clay pigeon shooting - have a good time with your friends and family... it can be a long morning for anxiety to build otherwise.
Use Mindfulness and/or Meditation ~ in just a few minutes you can use mindfulness techniques to chill out and press the reset button on your stressed noggin - try it in advance and check out Apps like Buddhify to help.
Know where you’ll get ready ~ often a unfortunate groom has no room of their own - they end up shoe-horned into the best-man’s room - everything is unfamiliar, disorganised ...it’s chaotic, cramped, hot and sweaty - plan ahead, know where you’ll be and get ready in comfort.
New kit - prep it ~ new jacket pockets are usually sewn up - unpick these beforehand - just cut the basic stitching that 'tacks' them closed - don't cut the fabric! Do this beforehand - it's a pain on the day and no-one ever has any scissors...
Your day, your rules ~ get ready in a group with your buddies - if that’s you, or alone if it’s not - your day, your rules!
Know where you’ll get ready ~ often a unfortunate groom has no room of their own - they end up shoe-horned into the best-man’s room - everything is unfamiliar, disorganised ...it’s chaotic, cramped, hot and sweaty - plan ahead, know where you’ll be and get ready in comfort.
New kit - prep it ~ new jacket pockets are usually sewn up - unpick these beforehand - just cut the basic stitching that 'tacks' them closed - don't cut the fabric! Do this beforehand - it's a pain on the day and no-one ever has any scissors...
Your day, your rules ~ get ready in a group with your buddies - if that’s you, or alone if it’s not - your day, your rules!
Be comfortable ~ if you're not a tie person - don't wear a tie - open collar is comfortable and familiar and can be dressed up with some sharp accessories.
Find space ~ if there are family members who are likely to add to your stress - just be cool about it - they're probably just stressed too, remember it's a day about love - but there's no shame in hanging a "groom only beyond this point" sign on a door and having your own space when you need some.
Find space ~ if there are family members who are likely to add to your stress - just be cool about it - they're probably just stressed too, remember it's a day about love - but there's no shame in hanging a "groom only beyond this point" sign on a door and having your own space when you need some.
Get ready together ~ if it helps bride and groom get ready together, yes that’s unconventional, but who cares... it’s your day - there are no rules; share the whole day together.
Make a checklist ~ you'll have a lot on your plate and some notes can be a big help.
Don't rely on wifi ~ it's fatally slow and unreliable away from home "sorry sir, it doesn't reach your room..." - no help if you need YouTube to remember how to tie a bow tie - print picture instructions instead.
Dont change your routine ~ don't choose your wedding morning to use a never before tried razor, don't use a new facial scrub, don't use a new aftershave - don't break from your usual 'getting ready routine'... if you have a bad skin reaction or inflict a monster shaving cut with that unfamiliar blade - your stress is going to rise.
Ceremony:
Have a rehearsal ~ the impact of suddenly realising you’re stood at the front of the venue, with no idea what’s about to happen is a shock... so have a rehearsal or verbal walk-through beforehand, so you know what’ll happen and what’s expected of you, then there’s no need to fear the unknown.
Mentally visualise what's about to happen ~ a great technique to prevent your brain overloading and it'll keep your mind occupied and prepare you.
Sort the paperwork ~ Make sure the paperwork is sorted and in safe hands - check with your official what’s required beforehand, well in advance - again, preparation = peace of mind.
Sit down ~ if you need to; take a load off - you could be on your feet a long time and you can start to feel faint - think of those soldiers on parade who pass out from standing up too long - ok, don’t think about that too long! Sit down, find a quiet place if you need to and don’t let the physical pressure add to your nerves.
Own the day ~ ...don’t like being centre of attention - that’s a very natural feeling but remember, today of all days - you are your best self, this is your day, take a breath, head up, shoulders back, smile, and own the day!
Scale it down ~ if the thought of being centre of attention is a really big issue - take action - have a small ceremony with a few close family and friends and then a big old party with everyone else at the reception - reduce the pressure and to make the ceremony feel more intimate and personal.
Breath... ~ and take it all in - despite your butterflies this is the moment you’ll remember for the rest of your life!
Speeches:
Write your speech in advance ~ not on the day.
Seriously - don’t write it on the day ~ you might be hesitant to get stuck in and get writing, but there’s nothing more stressful than the realisation you’re about to 'bomb' in front of the people who matter to you most and who’ll never forget it, or let you forget it.
If in doubt - speak from the heart ~ it’s easier to make people cry than laugh :)
...And do speak up ~ they wont laugh at all if they can't hear you.
...And do speak up ~ they wont laugh at all if they can't hear you.
Remember - there may be potential stresses - but you’ve assembled a great team - both the professionals and your friends and family - on hand to help. Now is the time to reap the benefits of all that careful preparation, and enjoy your day...
And hey, if something does to go wrong - embrace it and make it part of the story... laugh it off and don’t let small things spoil your day.
Keep on breathing...
And lastly ~ Embrace the butterflies ~ you know yourself - if your personality is such that you’re likely to be nervous - that’s fine, don’t be nervous about being nervous... just own it - and realise that some butterflies are good, to make it all feel real and special - otherwise, it’s just like any other day.
If life gives you butterflies... own those butterflies and make butterfly lemonade!
